Virgil Kismet's Horoscopes for 2024
I provide these forecasts without any enthusiasm...
YOUR SUN SIGN FORECAST FOR 2024
FROM VIRGIL KISMET OF HAPPINESS FALLS, OREGON
I was asked to do this and I’m complying because my personal chart requires that I agree, but it’s not something I do with enthusiasm. I owe a karmic debt to the universe to give back some of the knowledge it has given to me - cryptic sun sign tidbits, telegrams from the great beyond, so be it.
You may or may not see me again in these pages. I live next to a cave in the mountain community of Happiness Falls. You won’t find it on most maps because the 73 of us who live here decided to erase the cartographic lines that existed for the past 140 years and try to disappear the documents from the county seat. The government officials know about us, but we have managed to avoid being discovered by the Instagram Cult and, for that alone, we are grateful.
I will give you a bit about my background in the cosmic art of astrology, but not much. I got into it as a way to get laid, but it primarily involved years of sitting in the aisles of bookstores - we used to have “Astrology” sections in bookstores. The quest for knowledge didn’t get me laid, but it eventually led to many journeys to sacred places around the world, to secret libraries in places such as Istanbul and Buenos Aires, to shadowy sacred places in Tibet and Newark, New Jersey. That’s all I can say.
Because these are sun sign forecasts and don’t involve your whole chart - your moon, rising and other planetary influences, they may not feel correct to you. That’s okay. Astrology is no more than a mirror to reflect different facets of what you may or may not see. Here’s a rough overview of the coming year for each of you.
ARIES
Often called the babies of the zodiac, the least evolved in some ways, we’d be lost without their get up and go. My mom was an Aries and it probably saved my life. Might have also come close to ending my life. She was fierce. There’s a solar eclipse coming up that’s going to make you feel powerful. Watch out. Any time you feel that things are too clear and that your thinking is too solid, it’s important for you, more than most other signs, to take a deep breath and count to 10. After that, if you want to plow ahead, feel free. Most of us who know you know that there’s nothing we can say to stop an Aries, but I’m just saying - think first and take it slow. And don’t break any laws. There’s another convergence coming later this summer, but I can’t even think about that yet.
TAURUS
Venus is your ruler, Taurus, but Jupiter has been giving you a roller coaster ride for a while now. That will start to change by May and, even though nothing has been wrong, things will get much more interesting in a good way. There is something comforting about Taureans. Some people chase after Leos, but the real love sign of the Zodiac might well be Taurus. In their own quiet way, they are the rock in the middle of the stream, the center that CAN hold, the glue that binds, the threads that hold the garment together. I could go on, but I’ll spare you. If you’re a Taurus, you’re already shaking your head at my hyperbole. “Stop that,” you’re saying. I will, because it’s hard to not take a Taurus seriously when they ask you to do something. This should be a good spring and a better summer, but try to stop thinking about things and mapping it out too far in advance. Take it one day at a time. It’s okay to make lists, but don’t share them with too many other people right now.
GEMINI
Life is not always easy for Geminis and lately you may have come to feel untethered. Luckily, you all have fast minds, faster tongues, and the ability to be flexible, which is a gift. I’ll be honest with you - this may be a challenging year. Most astrologers will try to spin it as a year of opportunities for personal growth. You know what that means, you masters of nuance and language - that’s right, put on your crash helmet. Still, it IS true that difficult times are the touchstone for change. It’s up to you how and what that change is. As always, it’s not as much about what happens to you as how you REACT to it. As with Aries, you should take it extra slow right now. There is a time for rapid action - you, of all signs, know this - and there’s a time to take it slow. Be like Taurus for the next few months in your approach to life situations, especially in the areas of love and money. Things CAN work out. Whether or not they do is up to you as much as it is to the stars.
CANCER
To all you Cancers out there, I only wish I could see more clearly. Yes, I can read the convergences and eclipses and other celestial phenomena out there and I could make some broad generalizations, but I don’t trust them with regard to your sun sign at this moment. I don’t know why, but I don’t believe what the stars might be suggesting. You are good at nurturing your moods and emotions, less good at protecting yourself from them, and awful at hiding your feelings. Whatever happens to you over the next few months, take it in stride, be kind above all else - and you rarely have trouble with this, even those of you who have been hurt and want to take it out on others. Take it slow, eat lots of comfort food and know that things always eventually turn around. Remember this, when I say, “This too shall pass,” that means the bad as well as the good will pass. So enjoy the moment and keep your galoshes on.
LEO
Ah, Leo! You’re next in line and I know you can’t wait for your chance in the spotlight. I’m not sure any other sign is more into bearing their mantle than Leo, with the possible exception of Scorpios. Poor Leo. There is never enough attention. I have had plenty of experience with Leos and once read a long dissertation on the difference between male and female Leos and how male lions spent something like 95% of their time lying in the sun while female lions did all the hunting and cub-rearing. I’m not sure that’s even true, but why let that get in the way of a good pseudo-factoid? Anyway, it’s never hard being king, except when it’s hard to be king. Jupiter’s big switcheroo in May will light a can of Sterno fuel under your butt and make you irresistible. You’ll shed that stage in September and somehow move even further upward. You alone of all the signs will not burn out on this turbo-charged love-fest. Is that what you wanted to hear? I could not hold back. Go forth and prosper, Leo!
VIRGO
You poor Virgos, AGAIN having to carry the world on your backs and getting no credit. The convergence in April is going to make you think about things - again - and question almost everything in your life - again. Do NOT be distracted by this. Stay the course that you laid out during the dark days of winter. If you MUST change direction, I know you can do it with ease, if not grace. Try not to drive everyone away with your lamentations. The 5 Graces and the 7 Furies all have your back at this moment. It’s not going to be TOO perilous, but I hope your tightrope-walking socks are fresh. You may need them. Things are going to be looking up around your birthday, but don’t let that go to your head, not that anything could really go to a Virgo’s head. You worry too much. Did anyone ever tell you that? And you worry about the wrong things, Virgo. Hopefully, the electricity will stay on long enough for you to read this prediction for your coming year. But don’t worry about that, either. See what I mean?
LIBRA
Your biggest problem now, Libra, is to rein in your enthusiasm. Most other stargazers will be waxing rhapsodic about all the planetary action starting in April, and I’m not discounting that, but I’d like to urge a bit of caution. Yes, you’re a cardinal sign and you can probably achieve balance better than most other sun signs, but we all get carried away and, when you’re not weighing each side of a life challenge, you can get stuck in the moment. While I am telling other signs to stay in the moment, I am daring you to daydream of the future! You don’t have to act on anything. That will happen when it’s meant to happen, but dream BIG and dream OFTEN! The universe knows that you had an interesting 2023 and are due for something to change. It just may take a little longer than you would like, but don’t let that stop you from visualizing what you’d like your life to be like over the coming months. The late fall and early winter will bring you to a new fork in the road.
SCORPIO
THIS TIME, you really have to open up a bit and bring the circle of friends that you don’t want to admit to having a bit closer to you. First, acknowledge that these people are your friends. You have to trust someone in this life. Second, tell them a little about what’s going on. It won’t kill you and it might actually save you. I know this is radical, crazy talk and you might be pulling out your hex rings already to zap me, but hear me out: I’m here to help. The super moon in October is going to assist you with everything I just advised you to do. You can get an early start on it now. Take care of the little things. The really little things. You know what I’m talking about. If you do that, the big things will take care of themselves when you’re ready to meet the challenges. You must trust me on this. I’d never lie to a Scorpio. Or anybody, really, but especially to a Scorpio. Don’t turn your prodigious powers against yourself for one more day!
SAGITTARIUS
2023 may not have always seemed kind to you, my dear Sag, but if there is one sign I know that can handle adversity without wallowing in it, it’s you. It wasn’t all bad, but there were some unfortunate angles and influences. That being said, you most likely didn’t let yourself get too bent out of shape too much by it all. This spring, don’t be surprised if some of your work relationships assume a new degree of significance. Don’t worry if life calls upon you to trust in some situations that might seem chancy. I’m not saying to disregard your gut, but don’t be surprised if some things that don’t initially look promising - they might look downright menacing - could turn in your favor. By the fall, these could all add up to a windfall, possibly material, but certainly spiritual if you take it all in stride. I never count a Sag out unless they don’t buckle their seatbelt. Take necessary precautions, but remain open-minded.
CAPRICORN
Capricorn, oh Capricorn, where do I begin? You already know that you have unlimited resources, but you also know that you can be your own worst enemy. I don’t know where your particular moon is, but I think I can generalize a bit. I will, in fact, whether you like it or not. As with Sag, I’d think you would be relieved that 2023 is over. If you’re not relieved, you have my permission to breathe deeply and then exhale. You still have a bit of a trudge through the foothills of adversity and a few hops over the narrow channels of despair, but you can soon leave them behind and walk into the sunlit uplands. Before you grab your bat to stop my purple prose, consider this - you know, deep down, that I am telling you the truth. Last year sucked. This year has been okay so far, but you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop, the sucker punch to land. Don’t fear, that won’t happen. Just keep showing up. You have secret allies.
AQUARIUS
It’s always tough to get an Aquarius to trust the stars. On the one hand, they absolutely know what’s going on. On the other, they have this habit of questioning everything, which is what makes them such interesting artists and philosophers. In April, Uranus and Jupiter begin to tango and that will trigger the change you have been waiting for - not always patiently. May will accelerate this process and, as if you haven’t been through enough emotional makeovers in the past six months, I’m asking you to stay flexible just a little bit longer. As you probably know, at either a conscious or subconscious level, November will see Pluto entering your sign for many years. This should be interesting and, if you didn’t know this already, it’s going to be a good time to be an Aquarius. NOT always an easy time, but one that has the potential to be rewarding beyond your wildest dreams. Well, actually, Aquarians are capable of some pretty wild dreams, but it’s time to start to consider them all as possible!
PISCES
We all know of Pisces and the deep intuition, empathy and imagination that people born under this sun sign possess. There are some big celestial changes coming up, especially in May, when things may seem to break apart a bit. There may *seem* to be challenges, but they truly are opportunities. August brings more change, but Pisces knows how to handle it. Your friends may or may not hear about it until you’re through to the other side, but I’m guessing you’ll confide in your water sign friends, the ones that you know will understand. If you are feeling unsteady at some point, find a good earth sign friend to talk to. Be gentle when trying to explain what you’re doing through. It may take the earth signs a minute to realize how much it means to you, but they’ll get it and they can help. They know how to stay rooted to the ground. And never forget, a real friend is a real friend regardless of what sun sign they were born under. Keep yourself grounded and you will make it into AND past 2024.
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fantastic! coming from a Leo
Intering year ahead ... AGAIN. So be it. By the way, Tonya, how in the hell did you get that intriguing photo? WOW! Not only is it technically tricky, it really illustrates the subject matter.