How to Break a Heart in Five Minutes or Less

"Speak without listening..."

How to Break a Heart in Five Minutes or Less

Speak without listening.
Sarcasm works wonders
but burns too slowly.
Love someone else.
Leave.
Interrupt (see first line).
Blame them for your actions.
Point out they’re just like
their mother or father.
Always eat the last cookie.
Tell them your diagnosis.
Refuse the treatment.

A digital photo collage created with Francisco Goya's "The Sleep of Reason Produces Monsters," 1797-99, and James Heath's "Nestor Appearing in a Dream to Agamemnon, 1805, and the poet, 2024. Courtesy of Matt Layne

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Matt Layne writes…

Do y'all ever have poems, songs, or paintings come to you in your dreams? That was the case with "How to Break a Heart in Five Minutes or Less." One night I dreamed I was teaching a writing workshop, and a poet unbeknownst to me except in poetry workshop dreams shared her new poem, "How to Break a Heart in Five Minutes or Less" with the class. I made a few editorial suggestions on improvements, but all the while, I secretly thought, "Damn! I wish I had come up with that poem title!" When I woke up shortly thereafter, I was still churning on her talent and my jealousy of that title. It took me a few beats to realize that the Muse in my head sometimes visits in sleep as well as my waking hours. I broke out my bedside pen and journal, and jotted down "How to Break a Heart in Five Minutes or Less," effectively plagiarizing from my dream-self. To be fair, I didn't really remember the poem itself, just the title, so there was some craft involved. 

Incidentally, the denouement of this piece proved prescient. I was diagnosed with prostate cancer a few months after writing it, so the poem took on a heavier meaning to me as I was editing and recording it for inclusion in my collection, Miracle Strip. Rather than opting for a prostatectomy, I chose to be treated with High Intensity Focalized Ultrasound (HIFU), a treatment option that is far less invasive but unfortunately not covered by my "cadillac" health insurance here in Alabama. HIFU has positive outcomes similar to a prostatectomy, and it was performed at UAB, our world-class hospital here in Birmingham. It cost me $25,000 out of pocket, a rich ask for a public librarian, so I created a Kick-starter campaign to coincide with the release of Miracle Strip, and I successfully funded the treatment through poetry and other donations from friends and loved ones. Nevertheless, the poetry of heartbreak caused by someone who chooses to "refuse the treatment" became a reality for several dear loved ones concerned that I was sacrificing my health for a new and less-proven treatment than a prostatectomy. The treatment went swimmingly, and I had a year of great results. Unfortunately, when I went in for my annual MRI and biopsy, we found that the cancer had returned. I am in the process of creating an action plan with my urologist, and I'll most likely be undergoing a prostatectomy in the next few months. Nothing ventured and all that, I suppose. If nothing else, let it serve as a reminder of the importance of getting checked out annually by your doctor.

But back to the poem, I love the sweetness and sparsity of Ned Mudd's piano on the recording of "How to Break a Heart ..." I love how my voice dips and quavers so slightly in the last phrase of the poem. I love that I get to live this life with all of the beauty and joy and heartbreaking sadness that entails. Really, in the end, all I want to say is, love on, y'all. 

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“How to Break a Heart in Five Minutes” appears in Miracle Strip, released August 31, 2022. The music is “Sad Piano 2” by Ned Mudd.

Miracle Strip, a poetry collection by Matt Layne, is a unique hybrid of the written and spoken word. Each piece of the collection has an end-stop embellishment QR code which, when scanned, transforms the reader into a listener. Layne has recorded each poem, often with the accompaniment of musician and poet, Ned Mudd. The first line of the book invites the reader to “tell me your story, and I will tell you mine,” in the campfire tradition. In Miracle Strip, the reader and poet embark on an experiential journey of memories and the ghosts who haunt us. 

Miracle Strip by Matt Layne is in print! Get your copy today!

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Poet, librarian, raconteur Matt Layne has been poking hornet's nests and looking under rocks for lizards and snakes since he was knee-high to a peanut peg. A founding member of the 1990s improvisational poetry collective, The Kevorkian Skull poets, Layne believes in the radical transformative power found in the intersection of poetry and art, and he wants you to write your truth and share it out loud. A multiple Hackney Award winning writer, he has also been recognized by the National Society of Arts and Letters and been featured in Peek Magazine, Birmingham Arts Journal, Steel Toe Review, B-Metro, and elsewhere. Look for him at your local library.

Ned Mudd resides in Alabama where he engages in interspecies communication, rock collecting, and frequent cloud watching. He is the author of The Adventures of Dink and DVD (a space age comedy). Some of Ned’s best friends are raccoons.

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